My ADhD Brain: How Far I’ve Come
By Diane Délina
Tuesday, February 18th, 2016
Growing up, I didn’t know I had ADHD. I just knew that I was often told I talked too much, too loud; asked way too many questions; annoyed everyone because I couldn’t sit still or focus on anything very long; and my incredible creativity was not appreciated. Life got worse as I got older. Like many with ADHD, I had no sense of boundaries and trusted way too much. I was taken advantage of and done sexual things to at a young age. I had no clue I could say no. I just thought if I could make everyone happy, I would be accepted. My ADHD brain believed all the awful, negative comments imprinted on it from a young age. It was such a burden to carry. I felt so unloved and rejected that at age 12, I attempted suicide. It was seen as a cry for attention and ignored. To me, it just confirmed what I already knew; that I was just like a piece of garbage left in the street for someone to run over. For most of my teens, I had recurring dreams about falling or jumping off a tall building and seeing myself splatter on the sidewalk. People walked by and never even noticed. Through the years, more confirmations of being unlovable and a reject filled my head. I struggled not to kill myself on and off. Dancing saved my life! My sister signed me up when I was 5yrs old. When I was on stage I felt important. I was often praised for how good I was. I loved that for the time of the show, people got to forget their problems and enjoy. That ended at age 13 because of an older girl sexually molesting me, then bullying me. I was so ashamed and afraid of her, that I quit the only thing that brought me joy. I did tell someone but nothing was done about it.
High school was a bad experience for me. I didn’t fit in there either. I didn’t want to drink, do drugs or have sex so I was often seen as a snob. I had discovered Agatha Christy and every weekend, I would read another of her books. That was incredible! As I got older, I discovered self-help books and began to make some necessary changes.
Today has been full of surprises and it’s only 2:19 pm.
I think hot pink is my colour:)
At 18, I found myself pregnant. That’s when my life became worth living. Now I wanted to be someone my daughter would be proud of. I opened myself up to learning anything to improve our lives. Every experience was not good but I searched for the lessons I needed to learn. Like most people with ADHD, I have always been optimistic, resiliant, driven and determined. I’ve had to learn how to use those to my advantage.
If you want to know more, you’ll have to read my book. It will be out before the end of the year.
If you’ve been following me, you know that I have a rather happy, fun and incredible life. I want to stress this to you; it didn’t just happen by itself.
1. I had to want to change. 2. I had to be open to opportunities for growth. 3. I had to take chances, be willing to fail and forgive myself a lot, then try something else. 4. I had to figure out ways to retrain my ADHD brain to be as amazing and fearless as it is now; to get the negativity out.
If you’re reading this, you probably have or know someone who has ADHD. DO NOT DESPAIR!!! It is manageable and a great Certified ADHD Coach can help. I believe my experience with ADHD makes me a very passionate coach. I want others with ADHD to stop suffering and discover the hidden gems in their unique brain. It can mean the difference between surviving and enjoying a purposeful life.
Yesterday I was sad. Just disappointed about a few things that just aren’t going the way I’d like them to go. I’ve been told by some that having ADHD and running a business is unrealistic. I can’t accept that. I look at those people as the unfortunate who do not have or understand the incredible ADHD brain. I’ve just relocated in Burlington, Ontario, Oct. 1st, 2015, and it usually takes about 2 years for a business to be financially stable. I have to take on another job for a while. I will continue coaching evenings and weekends. I will make this work! Many people are suffering and I have to be true to my calling. I know wherever else I work, I will use my gifting and open doors to making the world a more ADHD friendly place.
I am amazing and fearless! Most people really like and respect me. I am often told that I inspire those around me with my positive energy, confidence and fun loving spirit. Yes! I can accept that now. It feels so fantastic! I’m finally happy to be me with ADHD!